Hi Reader,

Sorry I missed you last week. Sadly, I was in bed with COVID. But I'm back this week with a fresh essay. Enjoy!

Growing up in the city, I can’t say I heard much country music, aside from the occasional Hank Williams song my Pap Pap played on a dusty record player.

In fact, I might never have become a fan of country music unless I’d taken a driving job in my early 20s.

One of the routes I was assigned took me up into the mountains of Pennsylvania’s fading coal region. In those days there weren’t any MP3 players or smartphones. So if you wanted to listen to music on a long drive you either played cassettes or listened to the radio.

Sadly, the pickup truck I drove each day had no cassette player. Just good old AM/FM radio. To make matters worse, once I got to a certain point on my route, there were only 2 FM stations that came in with any clarity at all. One was an easy-listening station featuring crooning ballads by the likes of Barry Manilow (a favorite of my mom) and a country station.

Listening to country music for hours each day, I discovered a whole new world of music with artists like the Dixie Chicks, Shania Twain, Reba McIntire, Alan Jackson, Garth Brooks, Tracey Lawrence, and so many more, I could never list them all here. I came to love the country music of the 90s - the story-telling, the upbeat tempo, and of course the songs about new love and broken hearts.

Long after that driving job ended and I’d moved on to more “grown-up” career options, I was still happily listening to country music. One of my favorite songs of all time is a song called Suds in the Bucket, sung by Sara Evans in 2003.

It’s a fun, fast-paced song about a small-town girl who suddenly runs off to Las Vegas to get married, leaving behind her ponytail, her hometown—and the laundry still hanging on the clothesline. You can watch the music video here if you’re curious.

I hadn’t heard this song in ages. Hadn’t even thought about it. But today’s technology makes it easy to stumble onto these old favorites with a simple command to Pandora. On a recent trip to the mountains with my husband, I asked Pandora to create a playlist around artists Shania Twain, Garth Brooks, and the Dixie Chicks among others.

Soon I was having a blast, challenging myself to remember artists and titles as each new song played.

Imagine my surprise when I found myself crying as I listened to Suds in the Bucket for the first time in decades.

It was the refrain of the song that got to me…

“How could 18 years just up and walk away?

Our little pony-tailed girl, grow’d up to be a woman

now she’s gone in the blink of any eye.

She left the suds in the bucket and the

clothes hangin’ out on the line.”

I chalked up my tears to simple nostalgia. A time in my life when I was young with everything in life ahead of me. When that song came out, I was newly married and we’d just bought our house.

But as the song continued to play through my head a few days later, I realized why the song had hit me so hard. When I first loved that song, I imagined myself as the girl who’d run off and gotten married. I was off on my own. An adult making my own choices.

Now in my 50s, I discovered just how much I relate to the line “How could 18 years just up and walk away?”

I look at my nieces who are now 17 and 15 and wonder what happened to the little girls who used to play in the sand around our fountain on the patio. Or my nephew who is now 27, married and expecting his first child in September. I’m now the “parents” in the story, wondering where all the time went.

It feels like each year goes faster and faster. It’s something my mother talks about all the time. And now, I find myself talking about it, too. Even writing a newsletter about it. 😉

I’m certain I’m not alone in this feeling of time slipping away. But, I’ve learned that when it comes to thinking back, I need to be careful. It’s so easy to idealize those earlier years and forget about all the struggles, the goals, the plans, the dreams, that led to where I am right now.

Despite what my mind would like me to believe, my youth was NOT always rosy, happy and full of possibilities. I can cherish the good memories, even relive them in old songs, but I can’t go back. And even if I could, I don’t think I’d want to.

Unless of course, I could change things. Isn’t that a cool fantasy? Knowing what I know now, wouldn’t I love to go back and make different choices?

But the truth is, those new choices would be based on the life I’ve already lived and none of the wisdom would come with them. In the end, I’d be left with a different life full of other choices I might like to change.

I think the only way to approach all of this is with kindness. It’s natural to look back fondly. It’s normal to have regrets. And it makes sense that as we have more experiences, the rest of our lives look shorter and shorter.

But what I’ve resolved to do is catch myself in the present moment more often. To soak in the details and to relish the life I have now, because it too will become part of the past, sooner than I’d like to think.

I’ve come to realize that every life is made up of a unique tapestry of choices, moments, experiences and memories. I want my tapestry to be full of colorful threads and connections, not just from the life I’ve already lived, but from the life I’m still living each and every day.

This weekend, for example, I’ll be attending a baby shower for my nephew and his wife to celebrate Jayden who will be here before we know it.

I really enjoyed picking out baby gifts, especially storybooks. My favorite? A Dr. Seuss book called Fox in Socks. I used to read that book to my nephew when he was little. He had a stack of storybooks, but he always wanted me to read that one.

It’s full of tongue-twisters and by the time I'd finish reading it, my tongue was numb. That used to make Christian laugh. I’m looking forward to watching him read it to his son someday soon. 😂

What about you, Reader?

Is there a song, a scent, or a photo that’s brought your past rushing back?

What did it teach you about where you are now?

I hope this letter encourages you to look back with love and forward with curiosity.

It’s never too late for your dreams—big or small.

​

Until next week,

Inside My Sketchbook:

The week before I got COVID, I was exploring animal characters in various outfits. Here are some of my favorites.

Pictures of the Week:

Perhaps it was fever-induced hysteria, but I watched the cat video below on Facebook dozens of times this past week. 😄 I so wish I could take my cats with me out on the water. Be sure to click the picture to see the video for yourself!

The second pic is a field of coneflowers from the Manheim Township park. I finally got out for a walk on Saturday afternoon and took a picture of these fading flowers... One day I'd like to have my own garden filled with coneflowers!